i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
