I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
