new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
