There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
