sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
