nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
