i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
