Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
