No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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