I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so let's talk penis.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
