"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
