garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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