You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
