so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
