I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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