I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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