dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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