Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
