you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what day is it and did you see me today?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
