you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
