then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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