I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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