Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
