i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
