I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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