I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
