mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
