Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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