Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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