we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
