Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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