I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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