totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
