Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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