You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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