shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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