So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
