their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
