I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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