Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
