i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
