I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
