I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
