did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So squirting runs in the family.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
