It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
