dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
