shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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