She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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