I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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