we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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