ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
