We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
