Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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