He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
